“That’s it… I’ve failed again. I might as well stop trying. I will never be successful at [fill in the blank]!” Ever heard you say that to yourself?

If that is you, listen up, let me tell you how self-criticism is stifling your progress.

1. Fear. Usually when we criticise ourselves for an act or omission it usually leads to fear of failure, which leads to us not trying at all. This fear of failure stems from the fact that, even if you even try [blank] and don’t get it right, you will beat yourself up. This provokes negative emotions and feelings and therefore you might as well not try.  

2. Procrastination. Fear of failure goes hand in hand with performance anxiety (i.e. anxiety about how good you will do at a certain task). If you DON’T do something because you can’t handle the feeling of doing and failing at it, then you definitely have performance anxiety and are procrastinating.

Example: - I didn’t do that workout today – therefore I might as well just not work out all week because I already ruined my workout plan for the week. A better, more compassionate, thought would be: I am going to have such a busy day today and just really needed that extra rest this morning. I’ll work out tomorrow instead.

If this is you, try being compassionate towards yourself, your progress and where you are at now.

I remember in my early 20s when I was struggling with constant self-criticism and the feeling of never being and doing good enough, a psychologist said to me: “…you need to be ‘self-compassionate’ when it comes to your failures”. It only took me about 10 years to work out what he meant...

What about you – do you tend towards self-criticism or compassion?